Impulse vs. desire
On being stable without stability
When I was growing up, I moved almost every year. During preschool I moved to a new house, then to a new state. In kindergarten we moved again, then in first grade, we switched to the house down the street and a new school. To a new city in 2nd grade, and a new state in 3rd. In 4th I returned to a house down the street from the one in 2nd grade, but I didn’t remember anyone at school. In 6th grade we moved back to the second preschool house and stayed there. In between moves, I visited California during summer and winter and sometimes spring break.
I’ve been writing here for about 6 months. This is high commitment for me, a person who isn’t good at consistency, for some reason. I constantly get new ideas and want to go that direction, like an overexcited dog on a short leash. Right now I just had the thought, that maybe I want to abandon short form writing entirely, and focus on outdoor work and novels only. But I can’t trust that that person will be me in 6 months or 6 minutes. I just have to hold my own leash firmly and let time reveal the difference between impulse and desire.
You have great form with your writing. Every word seems to have a point and a direction. Keep going!
I for one am always delighted to see you showing up here! But I’d also love to read your long-form work.
When classes end & summer arrives I am always torn between spending days in the garden or writing. My hope this year is to mostly do one or the other, with my dogs released from their usual leashes to run around more in the yard or, ideally, sleep at my feet as I write (instead of regularly distracting me to yell about rabbit and groundhog invasions).