What a lovely collaboration between the two of you! I’m a big fan of the curiosity-before-judgement approach… but it can be hard to do when in states of stress or distress. Honestly Diana in the situation you describe I feel your boss could have had more curiosity- and empathy! - around your stress … that teaching situation sounds anxiety- producing! I think it’s easier, when you are the one in authority/with the balance of power, to be the one more generous with their curiosity.
Thank you! I’m very glad Deanne and I connected. I think you’re right that it’s important for the person in charge to be more curious. I also suspect that at least here in the States, we’re going to need a lot more generosity and curiosity as times get harder.
I agree - it can be difficult to become curious in some moments, and it would be useful for leaders to operate more from curiosity. At a previous place of work, I had a manager who seemed to have an abundance of curiosity, and it made a huge difference to how safe I felt at work and how we interacted with each other. It was amazing. There was no conversation we couldn't have, and we just kept bouncing off each other and being better. That experience left me wondering whether we focus on the "being" of leadership enough (that is, how we are generally being as a leader), and whether perhaps we focus too much on the doing. Also, thank you for your lovely words. It was great to collaborate with Diana and I am thrilled that we have connected.
I like the juxtaposed essays - they work well together. I’m not great on the fly at substituting emotional reaction with curiosity. If I were I think I’d be less bothered by other humans. I do spend a lot of time with horses and have had to learn to regulate my emotional responses when working with them. When I am annoyed by something they do I try to remember to say to myself “how interesting…” as a way to get myself out of emotion and into curiosity and seeking to understand. It makes me take a beat and a breath and get out of the motion, whatever it is. To the extent I’m able to do that is a huge benefit for the horse and me. Maybe I can get better at that with humans…
Thank you for your kind words. I agree that it isn’t always easy to shift to curiosity in the moment. I try to do it, but I definitely don’t always succeed. I think that’s part of being human. I think reflecting with curiosity after the event (and without self-judgement) can be useful. It may not fix that exact moment but it can help with learning for future moments. I love that you have learned to use curiosity with horses - that made my heart smile.
Responding instead of reacting is definitely a challenge. I am not great at it, but they say the first step is to see the problem. So I'm at least that far. I like the idea of saying "How interesting..." as a first step. I'm going to try it on humans!
I find that coming from a place of curiosity as a teacher makes a world of difference! I enjoy my job more, my students relax and learn better - and of course curiosity fuels collective learning. When our admin finds a way to be open to curiosity the whole institution runs better and everyone is happier, but when they operate from a place of judgment and enforcement, as tends to be the trend of late, the results are very poor indeed.
What a lovely collaboration between the two of you! I’m a big fan of the curiosity-before-judgement approach… but it can be hard to do when in states of stress or distress. Honestly Diana in the situation you describe I feel your boss could have had more curiosity- and empathy! - around your stress … that teaching situation sounds anxiety- producing! I think it’s easier, when you are the one in authority/with the balance of power, to be the one more generous with their curiosity.
Thank you! I’m very glad Deanne and I connected. I think you’re right that it’s important for the person in charge to be more curious. I also suspect that at least here in the States, we’re going to need a lot more generosity and curiosity as times get harder.
I agree - it can be difficult to become curious in some moments, and it would be useful for leaders to operate more from curiosity. At a previous place of work, I had a manager who seemed to have an abundance of curiosity, and it made a huge difference to how safe I felt at work and how we interacted with each other. It was amazing. There was no conversation we couldn't have, and we just kept bouncing off each other and being better. That experience left me wondering whether we focus on the "being" of leadership enough (that is, how we are generally being as a leader), and whether perhaps we focus too much on the doing. Also, thank you for your lovely words. It was great to collaborate with Diana and I am thrilled that we have connected.
I like the juxtaposed essays - they work well together. I’m not great on the fly at substituting emotional reaction with curiosity. If I were I think I’d be less bothered by other humans. I do spend a lot of time with horses and have had to learn to regulate my emotional responses when working with them. When I am annoyed by something they do I try to remember to say to myself “how interesting…” as a way to get myself out of emotion and into curiosity and seeking to understand. It makes me take a beat and a breath and get out of the motion, whatever it is. To the extent I’m able to do that is a huge benefit for the horse and me. Maybe I can get better at that with humans…
Thank you for your kind words. I agree that it isn’t always easy to shift to curiosity in the moment. I try to do it, but I definitely don’t always succeed. I think that’s part of being human. I think reflecting with curiosity after the event (and without self-judgement) can be useful. It may not fix that exact moment but it can help with learning for future moments. I love that you have learned to use curiosity with horses - that made my heart smile.
Responding instead of reacting is definitely a challenge. I am not great at it, but they say the first step is to see the problem. So I'm at least that far. I like the idea of saying "How interesting..." as a first step. I'm going to try it on humans!
I find that coming from a place of curiosity as a teacher makes a world of difference! I enjoy my job more, my students relax and learn better - and of course curiosity fuels collective learning. When our admin finds a way to be open to curiosity the whole institution runs better and everyone is happier, but when they operate from a place of judgment and enforcement, as tends to be the trend of late, the results are very poor indeed.
Yes, it certainly does make a difference.!
Very nice! Thank you both! Fun to read your related perspectives!
Thanks so much, Susan.